i managed to eat a chicken katsu sandwich without looking like a slob

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IPFS
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Daily writing prompt

What notable things happened today?

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I’m not sure if the word is hate but creativity that interferes with utility so intensely bugs me especially when I’m trying to get chow in my tummy because I’m hungry.

Never again shall I consume sandwiches that use insanely thin bread to house (what I consider) wayyy too many ingredients–I blame McDonald’s commercials from the 2000s wherein supermodels stretch their mouths so wide so as to take a nice, satisfying bite from a tower of a big Mac.

The elephant in the room is that it is impossible to direct the essence of a goddamn sandwich and transform it into something more phallic in nature. A tower of ingredients cannot be housed by bread unless you increase the volume taken up by the bread and I certainly cannot stomach more carbs than is necessary. I’m ordering a goddamn sandwich not because I want to conquer the world; I’m trying to eat food as quickly as possible so I can direct my energies onto the next most important thing. I am human, I need energy to function, this goddamn sandwich is so unnecessarily difficult to eat, I WILL NOT grace this establishment with my company and resources ever again.

If I desired vitamin D intake, I’d take a walk in the park or go on a date. The former, because sunshine is nice; the latter, because any woman who has spent time engaging her energies to charm a man knows that men are rarely picky when it comes to dealing out doses of vitamin D. I say this not to injure; rather, this is universal, goddamn truth.

Just as it is universal, goddamn truth that complicating the idea of a sandwich is a net negative for society. I’m all for changing custom when there is a valid reason (i.e., my soul will fucking die if I am forced to adhere to existing standards of x, y, and z) but under what North American sun was the idea conceived to have sandwiches and burgers act as pseudo-stand-ins for the concept of masculinity? A meager attempt to introduce entropy to an existing thingy that ALREADY WORKS and while I mentally would not discourage attempts to introduce entropy because sometimes we need chaos to create new things but what was the goddamn point?

This was the notable thing–I ate a sandwich that attempted to turn the concept of a sandwich on its head and while my person is full, I feel thoroughly irritated and unsatisfied.

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